O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
