He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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