This dress was meant to end up on your floor
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
