Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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