escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
