i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
