im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
