Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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