i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize