Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
