I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
