when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
