He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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