Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
