Well apparently he's into motor boating.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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