i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
