I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
