The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
