I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
