did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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