i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
