Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
