it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize