I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
