I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
