Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
