i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The adults are the big ones right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
