There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
