I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
