did you get engaged???
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
