I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
