when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
