i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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