He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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