let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
