anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
