Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
