Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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