I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
