I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
