Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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