Me too!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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