Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
