I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
