Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
