After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
