It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
