"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Houston, we have a blender
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
