do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
