She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize