Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
