every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
not ubering you a puppy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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