Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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