You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize