Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I want a musical about memes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
