I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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