Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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