Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish you could order shots online.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
