does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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