a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well I just put wine in my tea
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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