Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
