It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
