There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
