Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
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