Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
