Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
