Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
