Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
