So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
