Your dad touched me again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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