Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
