Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize