your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
