I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i barfeds in our rink
sarcasm needs its own font
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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