hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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