please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
