Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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