I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
