i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
