the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
