Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You pole danced in your parka.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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