I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize