it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
