I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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