yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
