Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
