I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
