i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
