My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
