Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
