just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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