I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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