apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize