I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
