i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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